


A Comprehensive List of Rules Concerning Team VENM, as compiled by Professor and Huntress Glynda G. Goodwitch.

by DiomedesofAnima



Series: Team VENM [2]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Multi, crack fic?, inspired by the FanFic on Things Ozpin Can No Longer Do, rules list format, things venm cannot do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 22:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14122089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiomedesofAnima/pseuds/DiomedesofAnima
Summary: After reading ComentativeComentor's fic piece on FanFiction about the Things Ozpin is no longer allowed to do, I decided to try out the format myself. I had a ton of fun writing these, and yes, these rules are related to canon (onstage or off) shenanigans involving the VENM series I've been writing.Enjoy!





	A Comprehensive List of Rules Concerning Team VENM, as compiled by Professor and Huntress Glynda G. Goodwitch.

  1. While it was an interesting occurrence, theme music such as “X Gonna Give It To Ya” is not permitted in combat training classes.
  2. Eliza Aurum will refrain from trying to bench other classmates. 
    1. Yes, we know she can, but she shouldn’t.
  3. Marcus is no longer allowed unsupervised access to the party supply closet.
  4. Marcus is no longer allowed access to Wilton’s Silver Cake Spray-On Frosting.
  5. It is called “disregarding safe lab procedure”, not “throwing Dust vials together to see what sticks,” Mr. Boudica.
  6. Verris should not be greeted with the phrase “what’s new, pussycat?”
  7. Stringing Cardin up from the collar of his cuirass is not, in any way, an acceptable replacement for a tetherball. 
    1. Additionally, no one has ever played tetherball with loaded firearms.
  8. Yang is to refrain from any and all puns she can come up with concerning Verris’ anatomy in regards to his semblance.
  9. Using Lioncrest to weigh down a toilet lid as a form of revenge is just cruel, not “an artistic commentary on the futility of hard work”.
  10. Special care should be taken to ensure that Nero’s daggers, Orcus and Poena, are pronounced correctly, with none of the syllables switched.
  11. As of now, Marcus and Eliza’s caffeine smuggling system for Nora is considered a violation of school safety guidelines. 
    1. Note from Oobleck: This ban should be lifted for research purposes.
    2. Addendum: No, Oobleck, you’re not getting your stash back either. –Goodwitch.
  12. While Cardin’s behavior towards different groups is reprehensible, so is throwing a prosthetic d*** at his head in response.
  13. Verris has a name, and it’s not “Pegleg the Pirate”.
  14. Locking Coco and Eliza in a closet together, while ultimately harmless, is not advisable in the future. 
    1. There are easier ways to be a “wingman”.
  15. We as faculty know there are different styles of dancing. We have seen them. What Marcus did at the school dance was just chaos. 
    1. Flash mobs attempting to mimic the event en masse are forbidden.
  16. I don’t care if he deserves it. Stealing Cardin’s armor padding and flying it from the flagpole at half-mast to “mourn his GPA” is in extremely poor taste. 
    1. It is even less acceptable when a decorated military leader from abroad is witness to these sorts of pranks.
  17. Verris cannot throw his left leg to “kick someone’s ass from across the room”, contrary to what he might claim.
  18. For fire safety reasons, Port is no longer to allow Verris to help him with class demonstrations of how to fight Grimm.
  19. Sparring matches between Verris and Pyrrha are just that, not “fridge magnet Frisbee games”.
  20. If commentary about the nature of how Marcus’ weapon transforms from a one-handed to two-handed weapon absolutely must be made, they should be kept strictly academic.
  21. Just because Nero’s weapons and modifications are legal does not mean he should spray Dust from the hilts at people he does not like while shouting “pocket sand!”
  22. Eliza’s armor requires the hinges to be cleaned of rust and lubricated with machine oil, not an industrial grade vat of KY Jelly. 
    1. Nora and Yang have since apologized for the incident, and thankfully, the armor was not damaged.
    2. Addendum: Ozpin, it shouldn’t be this easy to smuggle a vat of lubricant that massive into the Academy. Maybe consider implementing stricter mail policies.
  23. Just because Nero’s semblance is quite physically draining does not mean he should be allowed to regularly use class-time for napping.
  24. Marcus’ fighting style looks absolutely nothing like pole-dancing, and demonstrations to prove this point wrong will be ignored.
  25. Eliza, Pyrrha, and Jaune do not represent any purported “agency of Shields”.
  26. For the safety of our staff, the words “triple bacon cheeseburger, Atlas-style” are not to be spoken aloud under any circumstances around Eliza in the dining hall.
  27. Lioncrest is a shield, not a doorstop.
  28. Mailing Nero a ‘glitterbomb’ in order to ‘see what he shoots out of the other hand’ was funny the first time, pathetic every attempt after.
  29. Marcus cannot use sandals as projectile weapons during combat training.
  30. Due to the “Snowblower Incident”, Verris is not allowed access to Vosgedge and frost Dust at the same time while indoors.
  31. Velvet, Blake, Verris, and Nero are not to be collectively referred to as “The Furrsome Four”. 
    1. Neither are they to be referred to as “Team Fluffy”.
    2. Winchester will be briefed monthly on what constitutes a joke and what constitutes racial insensitivity, although I don’t think it will change much.
  32. Nero’s semblance is energy redirection, not “Hidden Palm Technique: WARP SUCC”.
  33. From now on, students actively seeking out criminal activity to interrupt with vigilante justice is expressly prohibited. 
    1. Yes, I’m still unhappy that vigilante justice is the sole reason you admitted Miss Rose, Ozpin.
  34. If Coco offers a favor to Team VENM as thanks for helping Velvet, all members are advised to think before they name the favor. 
    1. I don’t care if it was a slip of the tongue, Coco has no shame and her high heels are not meant for that purpose.
  35. Ruby and Verris are hereby banned from collaborating on weapon modification in any way. 
    1. On that note, students are to be reminded of international Hunter laws regarding excessive force in weapon design.
  36. Verris is not to bring wild Grimm into the academy for “extended research”. 
    1. He is especially prohibited from turning an angry Boarbatusk loose over the edge of the cliff to test how aerodynamic they are.
  37. Just because one has the ability to release TEN THOUSAND ANGRY BEES into Team CRDL’s dorm does not mean one should exercise that ability.
  38. Collectively freezing in place because Weiss is walking past got old a long time ago.
  39. All students are to be reminded that gambling is extremely forbidden at Beacon Academy, no matter how many pushups anyone can do.
  40. No one is to question the Shopkeeper when he appears. There are some secrets the world should never know.
  41. “Yeet, yeeting, yote, to yeet,” do not exist as proper alternatives for “throw, throwing, threw, etc.” 
    1. Marcus is hereby banned from using these ‘words’ in academic papers.
  42. From now on, all benches on the campus will be reinforced with steel rebar (thank you, Miss Aurum).
  43. “Beacon Best Girl” is not a real competition, and the Law Firm of Avalok and Xiao-Long does not exist as any sort of sponsors or accredited panel of judges for such a competition. 
    1. The fact that I somehow was added to the list is not funny.
  44. If Marcus continues to shout “fight me” at this many people on a regular basis, I’m going to stop stepping in to prevent anyone from decking him eventually.
  45. Convincing Yang to sit still in a chair before loudly operating a pair of scissors somewhere behind her should be considered an act of psychological warfare.
  46. The correct response to being asked to assist in cleaning up trash is not to throw Verris in the nearest dumpster.
  47. It is advised that no one encourages Nero biting people at random as a sign of friendship. 
    1. Nor should it be encouraged in public as a display of (REDACTED).
  48. The headmaster should not go out of his way to inform students of loopholes in safety rules.
  49. Eliza is not allowed to give Nora a fork and an electrical outlet to “make competition more extreme”.
  50. Team VENM has already decided on their attack names, and “Slay the Straight Away” is not one of them. 
    1. That was an impressive amount of glitter on display, all things considered.
  51. Forming the “Team CRDL Trust Fund Roast” should not have been attempted once, let alone twice. 
    1. Urban Dictionary access is now to be restricted on Beacon servers.
  52. Nero is not “pulling some anime bullshit”, he’s ~~taking training seriously~~ better than you. 
    1. Boudica, I don’t know how you accessed this file, but don’t edit my notes again.
  53. Mercury Black is a student representative of Mistral, and not a “f*ckboy so basic he arrives in a Corn Flakes box”.
  54. Nero does not refill his daggers with “essence of updog”.
  55. Merr Chrimbas. 
    1. Emedio, you will stop editing my notes as well.
  56. In the future, students are to refrain from using the foundry to create supplies for use in illicit activities, including vigilante justice.
  57. I am going to reiterate this very clearly since it didn’t come across the first time; VERRIS IS NOT TO BE ALLOWED ACCESS TO BOTH GUST AND WATER DUST WHILE INSIDE THE BUILDING! 
    1. Yes, they cleaned it up, but the fact remains that this is a gross misuse of school resources and should not be replicated.
  58. If law enforcement has become somehow relevant to an issue concerning students, the Headmaster will cooperate to the fullest extent with them instead of blowing the whole thing off to functionally ground students.
  59. None of us know how many mugs of coffee Ozpin has stashed in his desk. Nor do we know how they manage to remain fresh at all times. 
    1. It is safe to assume at this point that the universe just thinks it wise to ensure that when Ozpin reaches for coffee, it is safest to provide it.
  60. Chasing down local crime lords is NOT an acceptable hobby for students.
  61. Verris’ weapon is a flamethrower, and does not generate enough thrust to move anything.
  62. Dust vials are meant as weapon propellant and energy sources, not as makeshift grenades.
  63. Any and all permutations of the “Emedio Ghostwriting Syndicate” are banned within the school. 
    1. Port, you don’t just get to ignore blatant violations of the academic integrity policy when you feel like it.
  64. If a team’s members form an acronym unacceptable to pronounce in public, we will report it differently during their attendance to the Vytal Festival this year. 
    1. I don’t know what possible acronym we could use for them, but there has GOT to be a better one than Team CMEN.
    2. Team CEMN is also not an acceptable answer.
  65. Eliza is not allowed to carry foundry tools out of the foundry, no matter how many times she claims she’s a “trained professional”. 
    1. Ozpin, perhaps we need to consider bolting those machines down. I don’t think the weight is much of a hassle for her.




End file.
